Season1 Episode 10
As my first semester slowly dragged to an end(after over a year lol), I found myself struggling with personality crisis, anxiety and depression.
I feared the uncertainty.
If you’ve followed from the beginning, you’d know that I have a huge superiority complex and a fragile ego when it comes to my academics. I’ve always been used to being ahead, being the best, and now suddenly I began to struggle to be even average.
I was dealing with a new reality that I was behind my mates, and I might never meet up and honestly, frustrated is an understatement to qualify what I felt and what I was feeling
I literally was floating about, I didn’t feel driven, I abandoned all my projects, I made promises and didn’t keep them, and worst off I was lagging seriously behind in my studies.
On the announcement of the first test I talked about in the penultimate edition, I began to motivate myself to read, I was basically living on YouTube and Instagram. I’d share my experiences with my elder brother – and support system, and we would try to motivate each other and help each other remain strong because it was hell.
We barely had classes, what is barely, we had zero classes in 4 out of the 6 main courses I was taking and we didn’t even have materials in some.
And then the thing that was eating me up still remained there, ringing in my head each second of my life, you’re behind your peers, YOU ARE BEHIND.
Somehow, somehow, I managed to get my life together, I managed to push all these thoughts to the back of my mind and I prepared for my exams
They say social media is a toxic place but I’d say, an app isn’t and can never be toxic, people are toxic.
Due to the “online class” I had data and time to spare and I spent a lot of time on social media, Instagram to be precise, and somehow, reading posts on self care and affirmations made me happy
I learnt to be careful and mindful of what I say to myself, I learn to not feel ashamed of my mental illnesses, I learnt that my emotions are valid and so many other things that I don’t want to share because of privacy reasons.
I also began to speak about it, talk about it, share posts about it
To be real, I am still very sad about the fact that due to the irresponsibility of the Federal government, I have lost one year, but I am slowly beginning to accept it.
I’m learning that I am on a personal race And there is no such thing as “mates”
I’m also learning that I am on a unique race so no one is ahead or behind me
And yes, I am finding my peace, and one day, I’d get to the point where it wouldn’t hurt anyone.
As the new semester starts, first off I’m grateful it is physical because I am excited to be back in school, I have missed my friends, roommates and honestly living normal lives. I know now not to take things for granted.
Soooo, on that note, I’m looking forward to this new semester, and the new adventures, and the new stories which I’d be glad to share here, and I’m learning to be more vulnerable and write more from my heart.
This is me reintroducing myself as the latest “unfresh” Unilag Law Fresher 🤩
Thank you for reading.